Some of the sh*t I had to deal with during the first five years of running my illustrator business

Being an independent illustrator/artist means you are your business. Things can get quite personal. But don’t think I’m only a formal business woman who doesn’t frown when I receive weird inquiries and comments. I’ve selected fifteen examples, for you to laugh (/cringe) at.

1. Someone wanted me to draw them naked, on location, for free (!). I was also allowed to take colleagues with me, as long as they would work for free and were female. Despite a serious email as an aswer to their very vague inquiry full of errors (why do I take everything seriously?), I had to trust this person (“please trust me”, multiple times), while they didn’t even convey their name, age or gender. This person also said (through an email) that they would like to receive my email adress. Oh, and maybe if I could build them a website so they could sell pictures and illustrations of them so that that person would be able to pay me with the revenue through that website… Red flags, red flags.
2. A guy who had written a children’s book couldn’t find anyone who wanted to make 50 illustrations for his book, for free. That is why he had been harassing almost every illustrator in the Netherlands for over a year — I know this, because I’m a moderator of a Facebook group with a lot of Dutch illustrators — to see if fifty people wanted to make one free illustration. On his own website he states that he himself works for large commercial clients and always asks for a suitable fee.
3. The new girlfriend of an ex started to stalk me and once send a fake business inquiry. She emailed me with kind words and tried to get me to make something. But I recognised her IP adress (yes, the stalking was so intense that I remembered her IP adress) and saw through her disguise.
4. The organisation behind a design competition send me unsolicited newsletters about their competition — please don’t ever participate in unpaid pitches, all the worse when you have to give up all your copyright! When I asked why I received those emails, I got the answer that they thought my work was FANTASTIC because they had seen it there and there (where my work wasn’t, at all). When I submitted a complaint about it, I received three similar emails. And the year after that, those emails started to come AGAIN. Block.
5. The one design competition in which I did participate as a student suddenly changed their terms and conditions. Now, the winner would not get paid at all. And when everyone stopped, everyone received an email that it was the participants’ fault because they couldn’t deliver what they signed up for. Way to go. Oh, did I mention they didn’t read my email at all and just started to insult my sketches?
6. I designed a series of tote bags for the Dutch Labour Party. When the party promoted those online, the posts also received reactions as “what an expensive type of garbage bags!” and “those beards are full of hatred”. Now, I understand that some people take every opportunity to moan about a certain political party, and I was expecting something like that, but come on: a hipster with flowers in his beard, how can you see hate in that? They are flowers.
7. Someone mailed me, asked whether I had time to make some artwork for them, and that it concerned “a paid job”. When I answered that I was available and would like to receive more information, including the deadline and the budget, they send: “Yes, I’m thinking about five euros”. That wouldn’t even cover drinking a cup of tea during a meeting to discuss their wishes, and it was totally not worth the amount of work I was going to put into it. When I kindly declined, I got “Okay, how about six euros?”. In retrospect, it turned out to be a fifteen-year-old, but then again, they also know how small of an “offer” that is.
8. I received two stories that were clearly written in such a way so that I would feel sorry for them. Whether I could not “just” work for free for them. After checking, they turned out to be the same story. Well, they came from a different email adress but when I checked the information and the IP-adresses, they turned out to come from the same person. Somebody just put so much effort in scamming people?
9. Could I perhaps send the list with my grades from art acacemy? A man who had seen my portfolio wanted to know how well I did in school to determine whether he’d hire me for a small commission. Well, my grades were GREAT but they are nobody’s business? I asked around and a lot of my colleagues had never received such a request.
10. A big business (who had just made a huge profit) wanted to buy a painting but tried to hassle A LOT and I politely declined. Their offer was insulting. Then they tried to hassle some more. No. Stop.
11. I shared the timelapse of a courtroom sketch on LinkedIn and apparently a lot of men felt the urge to comment racist shit on my video. My personal profile is no place for that hate, so I deleted those comments.
12. The post office lost my packages and refused to find them since they believed the products I sent “weren’t worth much”. Oh, and if they lose an original artwork you only get a refund for the materials.
13. The Chamber of Commerce in the Netherlands sells your contact information if you are a business. So I get a few calls every week with a “great offer” for my electricity.
14. I worked live on location for an organisation. Directly after I’ve rounded up the work and put my things back in my bags, my contact person says: “Oh, you will need a project number for your invoice, I will get back at you for that”. When I called their office, the entire admin department was doing a workshop. The day after that, I called again, and apparently their system had an error that day, hmm-hmm. I kept on calling and emailing, but two months later, I still had no project number. So I just send the invoice with the remark that despite my efforts, I couldn’t add a project number. And they still paid that invoice way too late. Lesson learnt: if they need a project number or have their own strict admin system, make sure you have all the required information to be able to send an invoice before you start on the work.
15. A person who I’d worked with before forwarded me a message from her colleague, as a different department was looking for a creative. She even forwarded the mail in which she said to that colleague how she didn’t like me personally (as we had clashed during the former project, as they needed me to do a rush job but wouldn’t provide information I needed). Did I say she works in communication? So either way she knew I was going to see her remarks about me, or she didn’t realise what forwarding those emails meant, which implies she’s not really comm savy.

Yes, I learned from these examples. About other people and also a lot about myself. But everybody makes mistakes. I try to stay professional and kind in my communication, even though I sometimes just want to smash my face on the desk. Sorry that I’m just a human being with emotions too. I have this fragment bookmarked. Know your own boundaries!

You might have also noticed that a lot of these things imply discussions about prices. Since I have mentioned some rates on my website, it really filters out the cheap people!

A few notes:

• There are a lot of advantages to being a business owner. For one, the freedom it brings. Dare to say no! Don’t just take on any job;
• This post was just a selection of some of the shit. But I’ve got a lot of fun, kind and nice clients. With some of the clients mentioned above things did turn out allright in the end. Don’t let these stories discourage you to start a creative business of your own;
• Write good proposals and get some decent terms and conditions so you can protect yourself;
• Art academies can do more to teach students how to negotiate and be a business owner (or at least, in the Netherlands);
• A lot of creatives are insecure, doubt themselves. As a result, they undercharge their services. Please, charge more, don’t let (potential) clients think that your work is worth so little;
• I really like to cringe and read stories on Clients From Hell and For Exposure. If you think my stuff is bad, read what people have posted there!